So when I set out to create The Bourboneer (see About page), my plan was to define the constitution of a true bourbon enthusiast. Specifically, that desire which drives the bourbon drinker to love the spirit, and everything about it, with such passion. Now for me, I consider myself firmly entrenched as a contributing member at the “Bourboneer Imbiber” level. The next level, the “Bourboneer Operator”, is well within reach but until I successfully graduate from some form of formal education, then being an Imbiber is where I will remain. Not that any of you give a crap, but I will attend an Executive Bourbon Steward course this November, so becoming an actual “Operator” may be waiting right around the corner. However, I do have to pass the course…which surely isn’t guaranteed considering I will be studying BOURBON! I can see that my focus may become an issue.
Anyhow, I understand that being a Bourboneer at any level may not fully or accurately describe the kind of bourbon drinker/enthusiast you really are. We are certainly a diverse bunch. So before you leave this site dejected with your head hung low and your self-perceived bourbon status completely challenged…relax. Yes relax, because I have also created an exhaustive list of all types of bourbon drinkers to accompany The Bourboneer. (You can obviously see that I have a penchant for categorizing things. It’s annoying I know, but Just bear with me please!) Some of you may even consider yourself qualified to fall into more than one group, and that is perfectly fine. I know I certainly do. So take a look below and find out what type of bourbon drinker you are.
The Peer – the bourbon drinker who never turns down your invitation for a drink and typically has a similar taste in bourbon (a.k.a “drinking buddy”).
The Mutineer – A one time bourbon drinker who gave up the American Spirit for a liquor produced in another country. Worst yet, he/she uses (futilely, I might add) deceit and propaganda in their efforts to convert (a.k.a “the traitor”).
The Balladeer – the bourbon drinker who tends to get emotional while drinking. They reflect on failed romances and lost loves while belting out sentimental love songs. Poison’s “Every Rose Has its Thorn” is a Balladeer favorite. A relative of The Fictioneer, The Decreer and The Jeer.
The Fictioneer – the bourbon drinker who likes to tell tall tales with almost mythical grandeur while drinking (a.k.a “the bullshit artist”). You know they are lying because there lips are moving. A relative of The Balladeer, The Decreer and The Jeer.
The Decreer – the bourbon drinker who loves to make authoritative mandates while drinking. Such mandates include, “I am never getting married” or “I love you, man!” A relative of The Balldeer, The Fictioneer and The Jeer.
The Jeer – the bourbon drinker who happily derides and taunts others especially in public places (a.k.a “the asshole”). A relative of The Balladeer, The Fictioneer and The Decreer.
The Buccaneer – the bourbon drinker who raids the top shelf of his friends and neighbors bourbon cabinet and conveniently never offers his own stash. A distant relative of the Mountaineer and The Racketeer.
The Mountaineer – the bourbon drinker who only consumes bourbon produced in mountainous regions in such states as Colorado, California and New York. A distant relative of The Buccaneer and The Racketeer.
The Racketeer – the bourbon drinker who makes his/her own product from home (a.k.a “the moonshiner”). A distant relative of The Buccaneer and The Mountaineer.
The Pioneer – the bourbon drinker who willingly forages for new and undiscovered offerings across the country mostly from lesser known distilleries. A relative of The Sightseer and a distant relative of The Marketeer.
The Sightseer – the bourbon drinker who always partakes in the local offering no matter where they may travel in the country (a.k.a “the tourist”). A relative of The Pioneer and a distant relative of The Marketeer. Not to be confused with The Seer.
The Marketeer – the bourbon drinker who endlessly promotes or “sells” his/her favorite bourbon as “the absolute best” to anyone who is unfortunately within ear shot (a.k.a “the braggart”). A relative of The Gazetteer and a distant relative of The Sightseer and The Pioneer. However, can be seen hanging out with The Financeer, on occasion.
The Gazetteer – the bourbon drinker who enjoys writing about or reviewing bourbon as a hobby. A less annoying, more pendantic relative of the Marketeer.
The Financeer (The Bourboneer spelling) – the bourbon drinker who purchases bourbon as an investment for their portfolio or private collection (a.k.a “rich”). Can be chummy with the Marketeer from time to time but prides his/herself on their investments as a whole rather than just a single favorite.
The Seer – the bourbon drinker who is keenly able to identify and describe the nose, color, body, palate and finish characteristics of most bourbon even after only one sip (a.k.a “my idol”).
The Customeer – the bourbon drinker who imbibes daily or on a customary basis (not a “lush” just a bourbon pro). A relative of The Occasioneer ,The Reveleer and The Most Wonderful Time of Yeer! (The Burboneer spelling).
The Occasioneer – the bourbon drinker who reserves their imbibing to special occasions and/or special events (a.k.a “the socialite”). A relative of The Reveleer, The Customeer and The Most Wonderful Time of the Yeer!
The Reveleer – the bourbon drinker who only drinks on holidays; the few times a year in which his/her spouse allows. A relative of The Customeer, The Occasioneer and of course a relative of, but not to be confused with, The Most Wonderful Time of Yeer!
The Most Wonderful Time of the Yeer! – the bourbon drinker who merrily drinks throughout the entire Christmas season. Which for some like moi begins on the day after Veteran’s Day and lasts through New Year’s Day. A relative of The Customeer, The Occasioneer and The Reveleer.
The Volunteer – a Tennessee Whiskey drinker.
So there you have it. The entire list. Me personally? Well, I categorize myself in several of the above. Specifically, The Peer, The Sightseer, The Gazetteer and The Customeer. Occasionally The Volunteer. But my proudest consideration would be, of course for those who know me, The Most Wonderful TIme of Yeer! (I am a Christmas fanatic!)
So, what type of bourbon drinker are you?
Bourbon enjoyed while writing this post: Corner Creek Reserve Bourbon Whiskey. Bardstown, KY.